dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
