I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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