He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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