Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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