Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
