I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
