Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
