He asked to "fluff my boner.."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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