I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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