Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
