once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
