Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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