I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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