am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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