D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
