just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
did you just send me my own nude
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
