He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
