I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
