he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
