Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
