my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
