Nicole vs. Life
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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