think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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