i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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