Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize