Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His hands were made for my vagina.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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