OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
