My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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