I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
