using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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