small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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