someone owes me an orgasm
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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