I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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