Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Drake has all the answers
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
