boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
