I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize