Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
did you just send me my own nude
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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