I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
