I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
whose parrot is this?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
