She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
