Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
