I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
