And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
