My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
