Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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