I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You should frame my arrest warrant.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
