News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
