first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
