hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
