Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
