all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
