If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
