Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
