Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
