i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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