the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
