you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
