I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
