I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
