absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
