Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
