"it" just moved
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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