its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
