Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
