If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone came in the potted fern
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
God, I missed his penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
