Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
