I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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