I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize