I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
