the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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