P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
