sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
