never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
