I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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