So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize