America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
