i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
