is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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