No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
