so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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