I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
