I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
