I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize