I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
