Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
