my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
