I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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