His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My vagina just clenched in fear
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