Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
