Apparently you make a good broom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
