i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
