you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my being single is dangerous.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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