awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
