Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
