Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
